Meat Baby!!

If there are two things in the world that can bring a smile to our faces, they are babies and meat. So it seems only logical that we combine the two to create some type of super awesome, delicious hybrid: baby meat! Unfortunately there are laws and other stupid stuff that get in the way of making baby meat, so we made the next best thing - a meat baby.

Our grocery list included about 8 lbs ground beef, 2 lbs Italian sausage, bacon, onions, garlic, eggs and breadcrumbs. Here's how to conquer the meat baby:



1. Place all meat into giant container, in our case a big pot. Add 3-4 small chopped onions, 1-2 bulbs minced garlic, 6 eggs, breadcrumbs, salt, pepper and other spices to taste.



2. Realize that the giant container is not nearly giant enough, dump all contents onto aluminum foil and mix thoroughly. Optional: get five dudes of questionable hygiene to perform that last step with their bare hands.






3. Joke around about making a giant meat penis (meanis), and then make one.







4. Disassemble penis against all objections and form arms, legs, torso and head. Place in oven at 375 F until thoroughly cooked. Note: Keep in mind different cooking times for different body parts.



Below are pictures of the fully assembled meat baby, the ensuing feast, and the aftermath.

Finished meat baby (yes, that is its wee-wee poking out of the bacon diaper)

From left: Laura, Daniel, Howie, Michelle, Shannon, Carol, Mike and Marcus


Meat baby with mashed potato hair and gravy bowl chest


After we had our way with the baby


Leftovers reassembled into terminator meat bear


Me and Shannon in meat coma on kitchen floor


Daniel, Howie, Mike and Shannon passing the eff out

Bacon Bowl Attempt

Our first official gathering wasn't so much of a gathering, but rather just 3 hungry people cooking whatever was in the fridge/cabinets at 3am. The first thing we made was instant Jell-O pudding - I believe the instructions were: add milk, stir and wait 5 minutes. I guess those 5 minutes proved to be too long, because 3 minutes in we went searching for other options. This is when we found bacon, and who wants to fill up on pudding when there's bacon?

So, here's our attempt at a bacon bowl, step by step:

1. Weave bacon into sheet and place over metal bowl in frying pan. Cover with aluminum foil and cook. (Pudding status: untouched)


2. Remove from pan and cool. (Pudding status: still untouched)

3. Fail. Didn't keep its bowl shape, and was not crispy on the side that was touching the bowl. Note: Use oven next time. We filled it with scrambled eggs, but there is no picture because it didn't look very appetizing. Pretty damn tasty though...bacon makes everything delicious. (Pudding status: probably littered with bacon fat and other crap that was flying around the kitchen as it sat there uncovered for over an hour)


In the end, the bacon bowl didn't turn out, but we got a decent meal out of it. And we did end up eating most of the pudding later on. Let me rephrase that: Laura used threats of violence to make Howie and I eat pudding until we were leaking the once tasty treat from every orifice.

- Marcus, Laura & Howie